The Moose Song

When I was a young lad I used to like girls,
I played with their bodies and fondled their curls.
Till my girl ran off with a Captain named Bruce.
Oh you'll never get treated like that by a moose!

When I'm in the mood for a good lay,
I go to the closet and get me some hay.
I open the window and spread it around,
Cause the moose always come when there's hay on the ground!

I've done it with all sorts of beasties with hair;
I'd do it with snakes if their fangs were not there,
I've done it with llamas, sheep, dogs and a goose,
But I've never had anything quite like a moose!

Now a gorilla is all right for a Saturday night,
And lions and tigers they put up a fight.
But it's just not the same when you slam their caboose
Like the feeling you get when you hump on a moose.

The king of the gods is a fellow named Zeus,
On top of Olympus with an urge to seduce.
They offered him virgins but he'd just refuse,
"Screw all of your virgins and bring me a moose!"

And now I am old and advanced in my years.
As I look o'er my life, I will shed me no tears.
So I sit in my chair with a glass of prune juice,
Playing hide the salami with Marvin the Moose!

I've died, gone to heaven, my soul soars away
I show up at those gates with my bale of hay
Now they're bound to inquire as to my grin
And I'll wind up in hell humpin' mooses again

(lines 1-3 are sung slowly with much bellowing in background line 4 is the fastest line of the whole song)

New Verses sent in by others


Oh, the bride of ol' Cherry, it's never been told
Had surrendered her virtue indecently bold
But she still has her Cherry - she's happy his wife
This here's proof that a matron can have one for life.

Mad Jack:

At the end of a dusty day walking my post,
I dream of those pleasures I fancy the most,
And to lure the great beasty I'll play my kazoo,
Cause a Moose in the boots is worth ten in the zoo.

The Royal Kings Rangers are strange it is said,
They all grab a lamb when they crawl into bed,
They moan and they bleat and they roll on the ground,
We don't settle for lambchops when Moose are around.

Bears are quite nice on a cold winters night,
Coyotes and Bobcats will put up a fight,
But there's no greater joy and it is the truth,
Than when I ram the butt of a big sexy Moose.

Donald Post:

When I go a huntin', I don't take a gun,
I just take myself and have lots of fun.
I get up behind them, then get myself loose,
Now I've never had anything quite like a moose!

Kevin Erickson:

When I was a boy, playboy got me excited,
but now I am older - the yearn for babes has subsided,
I still get horned up and I still get wet dreams,
from ogling naked Moose in my new Field and Stream.

So when I'm alone and I get out the lotion,
and set Rosie and her five good friends into motion,
I'm not fantasizing about naked women on the loose,
but of fondling and groping on a beautiful Moose.

Benjy "Mooseolini" Feen:

Oh give me a moose in a long flowered skirt
A touch of mascara or blush couldn't hurt
With lipstick or perfume you'd think she's a queen
And with moose it's still legal if they're under eighteen.

Captain Ron

I went to the desert a moose for to find
I left there frustrated near out of my mind
For camels remind me of moose just a bit
But moose aways swallow while camels just spit.

Colin Corbett:

I've tried many creatures on land or at sea
I've even tried ostrich, but they didn't like me
Sharks are quite good but they're hard to pull loose
But on dry land theres nothing quite like a moose

Woodchucks are alright except that they bite
And foxes and rabbits wont last through the night
Cows would be fun but they're hard to seduce
But you never should worry should you find a moose

Step into my study and you will find there
A black striped tiger and a scruffy maned bear
You'll know the elephant because his skin is so loose
And the one that is winking you know is the moose

The lion succumbed to five dirty tricks
And ballistas and tigers I've proved just don't mix
The elephant he fell in a pit on a noose
But I won't tell a soul how I did in the moose

I've found many women attracted to me
A few of them have had me over for tea
Some say they love me when they're feeling loose
But I'd trade the world's women for one lovely moose

The good lord made Adam and a woman named Eve
Said if you sin now I'll ask you to leave
They left not because of Eve's forbidden fruit
But because Adam decided the moose, they were cute

The English are said to like boars who've had corn
The Celts they dream of the young unicorn
The Germans are happy with leather and rope
But give me a moose and I'll no longer mope

Well I've broken the law in this godawful state
And they've put me in prison and locked up the gate
they say that tomorrow I'll swing from a noode
but my last night I'll spend with a good sexy moose

Holly Rohwedder:

I lost my virginity to a moose named Stanley
He snorted and snuffled, and my, it was manly
An outdoorsy moose, his style couldn't be beat
He wore birkenstocks on his little hoofed feet.

Now the winters are cold here in the Great Northwest
Many folks favor a thick down vest
But Stanley keeps me warmer, though I chance arrest
Cuz snugglin' with my moose is the very best.

Bill Siebert:

They say the men of Cherry's are a God awful lot,
I know of a couple I'd even call sot.
They talk of their women and suck down their juice,
but if the truth were to be told they'd all bed with a moose

Matt Backus:

Mrs.Clinton you know, is the president's wife
She tries very hard to get on with life.
Up stairs she heard some one just cutting it loose
She ran to find Billy being banged by a moose.

Mr. Fixittoo:

Laying in my cell so late at night
I can't help dreaming of doing a moose.
Laying on my belly and so uptight,
I realize now I'm getting a goose!

Coupon Company (aka Second NH, aka Royal Artillery):

There once was a lad from 2nd NH they say
who had a big problem and explained it this way
for years he had tried to get a moose in his bed
finally succeeded but it was chocolate instead

The Song's History

There have been questions recently regarding the history of this song. I am personally familiar with it since 1984. It was obviously ten years or more older then. Anyone got more personal history to share?

Here's some replies to the above question:

What is the consensus of the origin? Civil War time period as I have heard?
Thanks, Bruce C. Cobb, 5th Pa Regimented Rifles

Just for your knowledge, the Moose Song has become the official song of the University of Wisconsin Marching Band Euphonium section (we're the only ones who know it). We also have three verses made up that only pertain to the band. If you want them, just ask, but you have to promise not to post them on the web. I could get in trouble from my band director.
Rob Konitzer

54340 verses sung since 12/28/97!
This page was lasted changed : Monday, 25-May-1998 01:47:27 GMT-4.


If you have any additional verses of this song, please email them to Dave Martucci.

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