Submitted by John Michael Rozeske
Some of the verses in ours are the same as yours, but I'm just going to give you the whole compilation.
Now when I'm in need of a very good lay,
I go to my closet and get me some hay.
I go to my window and spread it around.
'Cause moose always come when there's hay on the ground
I've tried many beasties on land or on sea
I've even tried hump-backs that humped back on me!
Sharks are quite good, tho they're hard to pull loose
But on dry land there is nothing quite like a moose.
Women like pearls and diamonds and cars,
I spend all my money on them in the bars,
But a moose is content to be tied to a tree,
While I find other mooses to satisfy me.
All my past lovers did brag about size,
Those tales of twelve inches were nothing but lies,
But a moose is the size that a man ought to be,
That's why from now on its only mooses for me.
When I was much younger I read dirty books,
I stroked myself with each gazing look,
But nothing can make my eyes start to twinkle,
Like the feeling I get jacking off to Bullwinkle.
Gorillas are all right on Saturday night,
Lions and tigers, they puts up a fight.
But it's just not the same when you slam your caboose,
As the feeling you get when you humps with a moose.
I've done it with beasties with long flowing hair,
I'd do it with snakes if their fangs were not there.
I've done it with walrus, a monkey, and goose,
But it's just not the same when you screw with a moose.
Woodchucks are all right, except that they bite
And foxes and rabbits won't last throught the night!
Cows would be fun, but they're hard to seduce,
But you never need worry should you find a moose.
Step in my study, and trophies you'll find;
A black striped tiget and scruffy maned lion.
You'll know the elephant by his ivory tooth,
And the one that's a-winking, you know is the moose.
The lion succumbed to a thirty-ought-six,
Machine guns and tigers, I've proved do not mix.
The elephant fell by a bomb with a fuse,
But I won't tell a soul how I did in the moose.
I've found many women attracted to me.
A few of them have had me over for tea.
Some say that they love me when they're feeling loose,
But I'd trade the world's women for one lovely moose!
The good Lord made Adam, and then he made Eve.
Said He: "If you sin now, Ill ask you to leave."
They left not because of Eve's forbidden fruit,
But 'cause Adam decided the moose there were cute.
The English are said to like boars who've had corn.
The Celtics just dream of the young Unicorn.
The German's, it's said, just need leather and rope,
But give me a moose and I'll no longer mope.
Now I've broken the laws in this God-awful state.
They've put me in prison and locked up the gate.
They say that tomorrow I'll swing from a noose
But my last night I'll spend with a good sexy moose.
Next morning the Governor's word reached my ears,
"We've commuted your sentence to ninety nine years!"
"You won't get parole, not a five minute's truce,
And your friend goes to Sing-Sing, he's so big-a-moose!"
The king of the gods is a fellow named Zeus,
On top of Olympus with an urge to seduce.
They offered him virgins but he'd just refuse,
"Screw all of your virgins and bring me a moose!"
Oh, the bride of ol' Bill, it's never been told
Had surrendered her virtue indecently bold
But she still has her "Moose" - she's happily his wife
Proof even a woman can have one for life.
When I go a huntin', I don't take a gun,
I just take myself and have lots of fun.
I get up behind them, then get myself loose,
Now I've never had anything quite like a moose!
Now that I'm older and on into my years,
I'll have you know I shed no tears,
While I sit by the fire with a glass of Mateuse,
Playing hide the salami with Marvin the moose
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